I end 2019 just like 2018.
Struggling with depression.
Struggling with self doubt.
Struggling with low self esteem.
Struggling with the cringeness when I express myself.
Struggling with lungs often feeling tight and not being able to take a deep breath due to having 24% lung function.
Struggling with headaches, dizziness, stomach issues on a regular basis.
Struggling with regret of caring about stuff that I enjoy.
Struggling with self hate.
Struggling with the assumption of hate from others.
Struggling with the fact that I don’t like my reflection in the mirror.
Struggling with the fact that I get too over excited about stuff.
Struggling with peoples negative opinions of me.
Struggling with feeling left out.
Struggling with feeling ignored.
Struggling with pain.
Struggling with my mom being sick.
Struggling with all of my grandparents have passed away.
Struggling with my father who only cares to see me once a year. Though I’ve asked him to see me more often.
Struggling with my hobbies that others see as ‘weird’.
Struggling with shutting out past emotional and physical abuse.
Struggling with shutting out past echos of laughter from grade school students.
Struggling with the fear of dying young from my lung disease or heart issue.
Struggling with the thought that I wouldn’t mind dying young.
Struggling with the fact that I don’t belong.
Struggling with best friends that have left me.
Struggling with feeling that everything is my fault.
Struggling with not feeling accepted.
Struggling with the thought from others that my therapy doll kids are childish.
Struggling with the fact that I’ll never be pregnant.
Struggling with the fact that I’m afraid of getting hurt again.
Struggling with the fact that I’m a suicide survivor that really should be in counseling still but I’m not.
Struggling with still feeling like I’m some stupid, deformed creature that is just on this earth to be laughed at.
Struggling with the death of my niece who died in a car accident.
Struggling with the hurt I feel that something simple as “I wish I had a friend.” Could result in negative backlash and insults.