I’ve been seeing the term ‘Friendsgiving’ on social media and tv media. Seems simple enough, either you cook a meal or have a potluck and invite friends over and spend quality time with your friends and be thankful for them. A time for you to socialize with your friends in person. Pardon me for being bitter but people still do that now a days? Is in person socializing coming back in style? If it’s anything like in the past where I’d try to plan cosplay get togethers, doll get togethers, creative hobby get togethers or even get togethers back when I lived in a all girls dorm (which rarely actually had people show up) chances are either no one would show up or maybe 1 person. My friends are either states away or are in my own state but too wrapped up in work and their own lives to stop what their doing to come over. But still I see on Instagram people cooking and sharing drinks with friends. Having a great time. I also see friends on FB having a ‘girls’ night out… or a guys night out. Girls hanging out together at the mall. At a club. At a theater event. So when they ask their own friends to come to these things they plan… do they end up being told that they’re ‘Asking for too much’ or are claimed to be ‘clingy and needy’. That’s what people say to me.
Birthday parties though… I remember when I was in elementary school you’d hand out birthday party invitations to everyone. Every single person. That’s just what we did. We’d get those cute girly invitation cards that we spent like a half hour trying to decide which one. Do you want Minnie Mouse or Strawberry shortcake? Oh and you needed a paper table cloth and streamers. You needed favor bags for each person. Cheap little toys like fake jewelry or stickers. And people that you invited showed up. Even people that you weren’t really friends with in your class would show up because most likely their parents guilted them into showing up to ‘be nice’. But it was awesome seeing in person your friends and even people that just showed up anyway. You’d share a pizza and listen to your record player. You’d play pretty pretty princess or some other kids game. Your school friends would give you hugs at your party and some got you gifts.
After like second grade things started to change. It could be the fact that I switched schools… but once I switched schools it became more and more difficult to bring people to my birthday party. I think starting in third grade it was no longer ‘Cool’ to buy those girly invitations so you just kinda had to ask people in class. In 4th grade a few girls came to my part. Same with 7th grade. Actually 7th grade a boy came to my party too. That was cool… (if only he wasn’t dating one of my friends while I was interested in him.) I’m not sure if it was 7th grade or not that might have been the year that my friends started grabbing handfuls of my birthday cake and throwing it in the dining room and making a huge mess that my mom got mad at me about. Throwing cake was not my idea. After 7th grade I had difficulty forming a birthday party. I also stopped being invited to other peoples birthday parties except for my best friend. Granted her birthday parties involved getting screamed at by her mother. So there wasn’t really ‘hanging out’ with her… it was more watching her scrub the kitchen floor. My senior year though I had a few girls come over for my birthday. Even a few cheerleaders showed up which was nice.
The two years after I graduated high school I had… I think one girl come over for my 19th birthday. Despite the fact that I called all my ‘friends’ I knew from school (high school and college). For my 18th no one came over. For my 19th one girl came over. When I went away to college and turned 20 that birthday I did invite girls from my dorm to come over… possibly one person came over… maybe. For my 21st birthday I did spend time with two friends. They took me out for dinner I think. I think my next birthday… I went out with a few girls I knew…. They weren’t like ‘close’ friends but I was desperate to socialize for my birthday… one of the girls forgot their credit card and asked if I could pay for their meal. Which I did but felt awkward about… um… it’s my birthday… why am I paying for a girls expensive meal. A girl that honestly I didn’t know all that well. Also I had a small birthday get together at my husbands townhouse on campus. I think a few people were there for that. Mostly it was my husbands friends that showed up. For my 23nd birthday I moved into an apartment with my husband. I had three people come over for my birthday (including my husband being there.) For my 24th birthday (or 25th I don’t remember) I had one girl come over for a half hour then another girl stop by for a few minutes, she ended up only staying for the few minutes since she wasn’t feeling well. For birthdays 25, 26, 27 and 28 honestly I was unable to get anyone to come over for my birthday besides my husband (who lived with me anyway.) For my 29th birthday I planned a birthday event at Colossalcon (which at first got laughed at when I mentioned the idea in the FB group). Two people showed up for a hour. Another person showed up for twenty minutes. Despite the fact that I invited more people and stayed in the ‘meeting spot’ for 3 hours. For birthday’s 30 through 35… well two of those birthdays I did have 2 or so friends come over from out of town. The other 3 birthdays no one came over.
You might read this and say, “People have come to your birthday parties over the years.” Well yes… but most years people only came over after me feeling sad that know one initially was going to visit me. After asking multiple times and saying that I didn’t want to feel forgotten or left alone. It’s always taken a lot of arm twisting to get people to spend time with me for my birthday. And people never actually invite me to their birthday get together. Maybe celebrating ones birthday isn’t a huge deal for most. But with the health issues I’ve gone through, the depression I struggle with. I’m shocked I’m still alive and that’s something I want to celebrate. I want to celebrate being alive another day with people that care about me. I’m not asking for a bunch of people to show up. I just wish I’d have to stop having to leap through hoops and jump over hurdles to have a few people come over. Being sick every day and not getting out much… isolation is very real and very disheartening. And feeling like people really need to be begged to visit you on your birthday… I can’t help but feel like I’m just a bother to people. It reminds me of how lonely and forgotten I truly am.