It’s the evening of day 3 of my husband on a business trip. It’s dark and cold outside. I’m a mess. Mentally and physically. This is really taking a toll on my body. I’m not eating well. I’m sick of heating up soup. I’m too tired to really cook stuff. Food in general is making my stomach feel sick. I go from complete exhaustion to hand shaking jitteriness. I keep ending up using the restroom. I haven’t had the strength to wash my own hair yet. I cry at the drop of a hat. I’ve been feeling dizzy. My lower back aches. I feel like I haven’t seen my husband in years. I also feel mad at myself because I feel weak emotionally. I know military spouses are gone much longer. And I guess…. This is just one of my fears…. Being completely alone. The cold weather is making my lungs feel non functioning. The darkness in the evening is beyond getting on my last nerve. I feel like I’m going crazy. It’s hard for me to focus on projects long enough to really enjoy them. I wish I could calm down and relax but I can’t. As long as I’m talking to someone I’m okay. This is so hard. I’m trying…. So trying to be strong. I know I just need to remind myself he’ll be home in a few days. This is a great opportunity for him. I can’t fuck this up for him.