Random strangers opinions. You know someone’s gonna have a real juicy opinion of you when they don’t care if they hurt you or not. They say things like, “If you take this to heart that’s your own fault” “I’m just trying to help you.” “The rest of your friends didn’t tell you this but they should have.”
It’s usually a list of heart stabbing judgements about yourself. As if you didn’t know you already had issues. These people in a twisted way want to break you so you can ‘see the truth’, so then you’re on your own to build yourself up.
They rarely are people that truly know you. They are rarely people you’ve actually met in person or talked to on the phone. They are usually people that have known you through social media for a short time.
They always claim to be a ‘friend.’ “I’m your friend that’s why I’m telling you this.”
“if you can’t deal with what I say then that’s your own problem. Someone had to tell you the truth.”
“You need to know how you really are.”
These people…these strangers… are blunt. They’re straight forward. And they usually unleash their judgement when you feel like you’re at your weakest.
They feel as if it’s their ‘duty’ to tear you apart. They gift wrap their judgement and then just leave you to digest it.
If you try to defend yourself they just verbally talk to you like you’re a child.
“Fine. Whatever. I was just trying to help.” “It’s your life you’re fucking up.” “It’s your friends you’re losing.” “if you want to be fed bullshit about how you really are and want people to kiss your ass then fine. You’ll never change.”
It’s like they somehow think by unloading this twisted truth bomb of your personality (bringing out all your negatives) that that will somehow ‘open your eyes’ and provide some emphany ‘break through’ that you’ll be ‘cured’.
And just because you ‘Talk to the rest of your friends like that.’ Doesn’t mean everyone you encounter will be receptive to your emotional diagnosis.
It’s one thing coming from an actual psychologist that you’re paying to listen to your problems and gives you actual ways to cope with your emotional problems. That helps.
But when some crude/crass/ cut throat stranger comes at you across the internet with ‘You’re this…this and this…the truth hurts doesn’t it. This is what you really are.’ That’s NOT helpful. Cause never do these people actually offer any sound advice. It’s always just name calling.
And if you end up feeling hurt or sad or try to defend yourself… they don’t want to hear it and will make you feel guilty.
These are not friends. These are people with an authority issue and a over controlling issue. They don’t give a flying fuck how you feel. They just want to unleash their anger they have about you, on you and if you sink or swim from the result of that doesn’t phase them in the slightest. Because let’s face it. Clearly you’ve frustrated them or somehow inadvertently insulted them by your behavior. So they want to put a stop to it. They want to make you feel, how they somehow think you’ve made others feel. They want you to have a taste of your own medicine.
Real friends don’t break you down. Real friends don’t point out your weaknesses. Real friends actually get to know you personally. Like, “Hey I notice sometimes you feel upset about stuff. Want to talk about it?” Real friends let you come to them when you want to talk about stuff that’s bothering you. They suggest ways to help…. For example…talking to a friend or family member. Maybe suggest journaling about it. Maybe suggest spending time with a pet. Maybe suggest listening to music or watching a fun movie.
Real friends don’t say, “YOU are THIS because YOU do THIS. THIS is why others don’t like YOU.”
When you try to give ‘jaded pill truth givers’ reasons for your emotional issues, they respond with not caring. To them it’s just lame ass excuses. When you tell them to ‘stop’ they get even more angry with you. If you tell them you don’t feel well, that you’re having a rough time. They think you’re trying to ‘escape the truth’. They truly don’t care how you feel. They’re going to shove this personality judgement down your throat no matter what. Even after you say, “okay I get it. I’m a bad person!” it’s always a response like, “No you don’t get it. I’m not saying you’re a bad person. That’s you thinking that yourself.” Here’s what these people truly want…
1. Acknowledgement that their opinions of you are the truth. They want to feel like only their opinion of you matters. Your spouse or family.. they haven’t been telling you the truth about yourself.
2. They want you to thank them. Obviously there using their valuable time to break your spirit. They feel like you have no idea what your personality is like. So they’re telling you something ‘new’.
3. They want you to feel guilty and sorry. They want you to apologize to ‘others’ not them. If you tell them, ‘I’m sorry’ then they get angry. They think you ‘don’t get it.’
Tough love is not for everyone. Telling/lecturing someone with nothing but negative opinions, that’s bullying. Ripping someone apart doesn’t make someone stronger. If you don’t personally know someone and goes off on them… you’re not truly wanting to help them.
How is hurting someone, pointing out of all of their faults helpful? How is hurting someone sympathetic, caring and understanding? It’s not like the person giving you this jagged truth pill is a doctor or family member or psychologist. This is a stranger.
These ‘truth pill’ givers never ask you how you are doing first. If they truly cared they would ask you how you feel before telling you a whole speech about all the negative things about you. Ever notice that they also wait until you’re away from social media. They drop a huge paragraph like they don’t really want to hear your response. They’re so far from uplifting, encouraging. It’s like bullies from school, ‘You’re so…” they don’t see any positive qualities about you.