So to be a tutor on the site that I work for… it’s highly suggested and encouraged to use the social features that they provide. That it’s a good way to get yourself new students.
Using these social features takes me right back to high school.
Whatever I post is always wrong in some way or another. Either my opinion is wrong. My grammar is wrong and somehow it’s like, “How does she even have a college degree. How is she even a tutor. You’re just trying to seek sympathy.” And anytime someone says something hurtful and I call them out for it they bash me more and say I’m just making it up. That no one said anything mean.
Unfortunately the block feature/report feature doesn’t do much of anything. The drama still continues and I can see it. It’s incredibly frustrating cause I’m told to use these features to help my job. I mean… it’s pretty much a business I run. I’m my own boss.
I feel like anytime I try to help people on the site… I’m left feeling stupid and dumb. It’s extremely hard on my low self esteem. It’s so self defeating.
What’s the point? Having a job where I can’t use half of the features on it. The money and my students… I just need to keep reminding myself that.
Here’s usually what happens. And I’ve gone through this multiple times in the last year. Some kind of sarcastic joke or rude comment about my grammar or my wrongness about something in posts where I’m trying to be helpful. Sometimes actually reflecting back on the fact that I am a tutor and in some reason or another I shouldn’t be. Cause I guess tutors and teachers are supposed to be error free? They all need to have the same level of 'High esteemed worldly knowledge' apparently, if not they shouldn't be tutoring. (People always do this in a public way so any possible students could see it. Rarely does someone private message me about things they feel is wrong-(Unless it’s someone giving a grammar correction which I take and appreciate.) Since I pretty much think they want me to be made an example of or try to tear me down in some way. I say that they do this for this reason because I’ve asked people to please message me privately about things like this in the past and they generally say ‘that’s not the way to go about it. That it’s better to take it public so my students can see the ‘truth’ about me.’)
Me feeling hurt.
Me pointing out that I’m hurt.
Me being told I shouldn’t point out the hurt/or no one hurt you…. it was just ‘Constructive criticism’. So here I am publically humiliated and really no way to defend myself cause they don’t want me to do that. Since no defense is good enough. Then more people chime in how right they are and how wrong I am.
Me reiterating ‘Someone really did hurt me. If I could at least communicate with you why I’m hurt.’
Being told, ‘I’m not your psychiatrist. I’m not here to help you. Don’t accuse me of stuff. Again no one hurt you. You’re just trying to gain sympathy.’
Saying no one hurt you, is more a reflection of your close mindedness not being open to see my point of view/ not caring at all about how I feel. It’s flat out denying anything went wrong. Not only are my feelings not valid but that they shouldn’t exist. But again the comments weren’t hurtful in your opinion. But just because they weren’t hurtful to you doesn’t mean they weren’t hurtful to me.
So wait... somehow... you're able to say whatever you want... and get others to back you up on it... and no matter how hurtful you are... You'll just defend your hurtful comments and hide behind 'No one hurt you.' Like that is somehow an excuse that whatever you say is okay? How is that even fair? You're fighting with more weapons because you are a teacher. People automatically see you as a highly educated human being. People will always side with you.
Constructive criticism is like, ‘In most countries it’s Zed not Zee. But I see you’re tutoring in US American English only so just know some students could feel offended or shocked when you say they are wrong.’
Not constructive criticism- ‘Your post annoyed me. you give students bad advice. You make a lot of errors in the most of your posts. Your students should feel offended.’
So I change the original post I made either to nothing or I admit that I am wrong and they are right. In some situations it doesn’t stop there. They still aren’t happy. They are still mad. Like I didn’t admit that they were right enough or in the right way.
And when I post again either something helpful or even a basic question… the cycle repeats itself. People know now that I make mistakes. They know now that my posts are ‘littered with grammatical errors’. So I've basically learned..on there... I'm always wrong. There's always someone on there using their smartness as a way to put me in my place. And to make me look like an idiot. Idiot for trying to help. An idiot for feeling insulted and pointing out the insult. In the end... I really do feel like a dunce... and them the stern college professor that just wants to flunk me no matter what I do.